My daughter recently celebrated a birthday. Since we were itching to have a fun time, we decided to host a full-blown open house and invited a little over 70 people, and about 55 came. We may have gone a little overboard, but society is getting back to its normal rhythm and we figured it was time to go big! Although to be honest, this party was not “big” by my standards, since I come from a large family. Every celebration to be had growing up, whether a baptism, graduation, or birthday was a minimum of 50 people. I fondly remember my parents hosting parties at our house. They owned an acre and would set up tents, volleyball, soccer, and host the whole thing outside during the warmer months in Illinois. The parties would start in the early afternoon and continue well into the night, where we would gather together, dance, and talk at length about family memories.

Here in Texas, I thought we could do the same thing, despite the notorious summer heat. We live on a much smaller piece of land, but we do have a pool and wanted to host an outdoor party. The alternative was a common kid party option, like rent a pavilion at the local pool, or a kid gymnasium party room. We decided against this option since most of the children would toddlers or infants, and we would still have to worry about the food situation.

What food situation? I wish I could afford to not give food a second thought, but if you’re reading this, I suspect you feel the same. Wouldn’t it be nice to attend a party or social event where you felt completely safe eating the prepared food? How many times have you eaten before a party or dashed home starving, just to avoid eating while out? I do this often. I pack a snack to eat just before we go inside, and then as soon as we leave, we rush home to eat a meal I’ve prepared. If it’s really late, I most likely will just eat some fruit and call it a night. I wouldn’t trade the opportunity for good community for safer food while out at an event, though. I can always solve the food situation, but I cannot make up for missed memories with my family and friends, so it’s worth the sacrifice.

If my husband and I are hosting or paying for the party, though, that’s not the case. At least, that’s what I decided. I decided to have my cake and eat it, too. Literally. In this blog post, I am going to outline exactly what we do to host “Angie-friendly events”- that’s our term to describe a situation or food known to be safe according to my reactions. I unfortunately have no pictures, because although it was a great time, we forgot to take pictures (head-smack). Please note that we did not do this alone!

Set Your Intentions

You need to decide what is important to you before even thinking about planning a party. It’s a bit like visualization- seeing in your mind your guests enjoying themselves, you not having any adverse food or environmental reactions, and all the kids staying safe. For us, we really wanted this party to be a birthday/housewarming party. We moved during the lockdown and never had a house blessing or housewarming party. Some of our guests had not even been to our home yet, because of COVID-19, and we really wanted to celebrate our move to Texas with our friends and family in the area. We wanted to host the event outdoors to accommodate more people, so we knew the heat would be a challenge. We wanted delicious, allergy-friendly food, good music, happy families enjoying themselves, and wonderful memories.

Outline Your Budget

I cannot emphasize this enough- you need a budget to avoid going out-of-control! I would do anything for my daughter, but let’s be honest. This party is something she wouldn’t remember and it was more for us anyways. We were tempted to add all sorts of extras in the name of our daughter and her preferences. She’s two. Her main preference right now is to make sure we take the crusts off her bread, but only on days that have a ‘s’ in their spelling. I’m joking- her tendencies vary randomly, but I will admit, that we as adults are just as bad.

If I had my way and we had an unlimited budget, I would have hired a mariachi band and completed a renovation of the side yard and our kitchen to accommodate everything “perfectly.” There needs to be a limit to your imaginings and it’s not because we want to be ungenerous, but rather, we want to be welcoming in a way that does not stress us out during the party thinking of how we will pay for it. These were the categories in our budget:

-Food

-Beverages/Alcohol

-Bouncy house

-Lifeguard for the pool

-Rentals (tables, tent)

-Decorations (including the piñata)

-Supplies (plates, serving platters, etc.)

We assigned actual dollar amounts to each one, of how much we thought everything would cost, and then proceeded to the next step.

Do Your Research

We did not know exactly what would everything would cost us, especially because we are hitting a period of inflation here in the United States. We also knew that we would not be able to get “the best” of everything. For example, my preference is that we eat local, organic, grass-fed beef. That is what I buy for my family, but buying enough meat for 50 people would probably swallow the budget. Instead I decided we would get high quality meat, but it would not be the organic, grass-fed that I wanted.

The pandemic is slowly allowing the event planning industry to pick up. We chose to work with a local event rentals company, and the prices were reasonable! We called around and decided on them because they had the best delivery, pick-up, and set-up fee. We visited Costco and Walmart to look at prices for drinks and alcohol and supplies. We decided to buy reusable tablecloths and serving platters, so that we would have them for future parties. We also did not want to rent serving trays or borrow items from family members that had touched food, just to be extra careful. I will explain more on this later.

In the end, doing our research allowed us to adjust our budget and change our expectations. We did not have enough allocated to decorations, for example, and I was ok with that. Our decorations were simple, but fine for the occasion. Party City has a great deal where you can purchase a dozen balloons for $14, inflated with helium, and free delivery if you are within 5 miles of the store. I decided to bake the cake myself instead of ordering from the local gluten-free bakery which would have gladly accommodated a variety of allergies. We do not have patio furniture yet, but we decided that folding chairs would be enough for the pool area, instead of renting more tables and a tent.

Make Your Plan

We not only planned the meal, but when all the items would be cooked, where all the tables would go, and who we would invite. We invited almost everyone we knew, and also casually invited our neighbors the day-of, so they would not feel excluded as they saw all the cars lined up on our street.

The food planning was easy. I know my allergies, but I am also experienced with accommodating other people’s allergies. The entire menu was gluten-free and dairy-free but with the following options: corn-free, soy-free, egg-free, tree-nut free, and low-histamine. It sounds like a lot, but it really was not hard at all to accommodate. I do it daily for myself (and when we have visitors) and I cannot imagine asking a caterer to handle this in an already contaminated work space. My family is Mexican and we decided to make traditional Mexican food. We served carne asada, tortillas (with Paleo options), guacamole, pico de gallo, two types of salsa (each without tomatoes), black beans, white rice, salad (dairy-free, soy-free, homemade dressing), fruit, blueberry lemon muffins, and blueberry lemon layered cake. The muffins were Paleo, but the cake was not since I used cane sugar in the vegan frosting. I had complete control over the food, ingredients, and the cooking space, so I knew the food would be safe.

We measured our yard and figured out exactly where the rented tent, bouncy house, and tables would go. We also outlined where we would lay out the food and in what order. I intended to even plan out the music, but I ran out of time and the music could have been a lot better. We also made a long to-do list and divided it up according to our strengths, interests, and limitations. Right now, I am physically limited because of my pregnancy. This will be a separate blog post, but my body behaves strangely in pregnancy (which I believe is a consequence of my mold exposure) and I use a walker and a brace to get around.

Lastly, we made a schedule of when we would clear out the garage, buy the food, set-up, and stagger the cooking times. Planning really does help! We have hosted parties before and knew the right estimate of time it would take us to get things ready in the week leading up to the party.  The one area we completely forgot about was who would watch out for our toddler while we were running around arranging everything! I am thankfully blessed with an extended family that really loves to step in and help. You can not do this alone!

Ask for Help

I am often nervous to ask for help because I feel embarrassed that I should need help or someone will judge me for asking for help. After all, my husband and I are the ones who chose to have a party, and not host it someplace else that would do the planning, setting-up, and cleaning-up for us. The reality is that we needed help! We all need support- we are not isolated living on an island. I learned this valuable lesson when we had a baby and I could not imagine my life operating without the support of my family while learning to care for a newborn.

Although my family offered to lend me serving tools and food platters, I declined because of my food allergies. Since we hosted this party outdoors and by the pool, we did not use anything glass or ceramic. We relied on plastic, paper, and more break-resistant materials. Unfortunately, most of the items had to be plastic. Some components of plastic do leech into the food and the food itself can be absorbed into the plastic, especially when warm. I felt that if we borrowed these sorts of platters, there was an increased risk of cross-contamination. It meant we had to buy most of the serving platters, but it was worth it for peace of mind. When possible, I went for wooden, silicone, and metal materials over plastic.

As I mentioned before, I am physically limited at the moment. I can not lift heavy things, nor walk very well without my walker and/or my brace. My job was to stay put in the kitchen and work within that confined space. I can cook and wash dishes, but lifting chairs, setting up tables, or carrying platters of food is out of the question. My aunt, uncle, and cousin drove about five hours to be with us and arrived early to be able to help us. Another aunt who lives locally lent us some more tables, patio furniture, and wired racks to hold the food trays above the heating cans. I cannot emphasize what a blessing this was. Family always goes the extra mile!

If you do not have this kind of familial support, ask your friends, neighbors, or even hire event coordinators/assistants. There is a way to get the support you need and I find people in my circle to be eager to help, but you have to ask and open yourself up.

Set the Rules

This was our first toddler/kid party and I was freaking out about safety. I insisted on a lifeguard because you can not be too careful around water. We met the lifeguard we hired through an event hosted by a foundation called Swim 4 Elise, a foundation created in memory of a young, competitive swimmer who drowned during the warm-ups of swim practice. I also urged parents to enter the water with their children or be right on the deck. We have a pool safety fence and used it when the pool was off-limits.

I normally have a “no-shoes inside” policy because of all the outdoor allergens and toxins that our shoes collect. Since I knew our guests would be indoors and outdoors, I waived this rule. Instead, we rolled up the wool rug in our living room and stored it away to avoid it becoming dirty. The rest of our house is tile or wood flooring and easy to clean.

Communicate Clearly

From the beginning, we made it known through our evite that this would be an allergen-friendly event, and requested our guests to alert us of any other allergies. It does not bother me in the least if someone requests a dietary change, because I can relate! My family and friends already know not to bring any gluten into our house, as I am quite vocal about this in order to keep my kitchen 100% gluten-free.

My husband had the brilliant idea to post signs everywhere, pointing our guests to the bathroom, diaper changing room (my daughter’s bedroom), and family changing area (our master suite). He even made a sign for the drinks and where the water was located. My mom and cousin labeled the food tables, and in one instance to communicate the spice level of the salsas. I also created this Birthday Party Allergen Information sign for allergen information. Feel free to download it and alter it for your own use!

Follow-Up

Cleaning up is hard work! The rental company took down the tent, bouncy house, tables, and chairs, but my uncle, dad, and husband took down the rest. I had several aunts and cousins packing up the food and cleaning up dishes. We gave away a lot of the leftovers so there was minimal food waste. My mom and husband that evening vacuumed and mopped the floors. I wiped down our bathroom and changed out the hand towels. We ran all the air filters on high overnight. I also scheduled a non-toxic home cleaning for extra help several days after the party.

Final Thoughts

It is a lot of work to host a party, especially with the added needs of allergies. In the end it was 100% worth it, because we saved money hosting it ourselves, but most importantly, I did not get sick from cross-contamination. I did not hear of anyone else having an allergic reaction and several people thanked us for being clear about the food ingredients. We heard multiple times what a relief it was to attend a party, be able to eat the food, and know exactly how it was prepared. My husband and I still have a lot to learn about hospitality, but food comfort and enjoyment is the main area we always want to make our guests feel the most welcome in. We are thankful to our friends and family who are respectful of my allergy needs and especially feel blessed to have so much support.

I hope this guide helps you as you think about planning or hosting an allergy-friendly event. Please share your thoughts with me in the comments, below!